Hera v. Ken Klaxton - Part 2: The Trial of the Pencil

Ken Klaxton opened his eyes.

He was sitting in an ornate marble witness chair.

A tiny pencil rested in his hand.

For several seconds he simply stared at it.

Then he looked around.

White marble columns stretched into the clouds.

Golden statues lined the walls.

Thunder echoed in the distance.

At the far end of the chamber sat the assembled Court of Olympus.

Zeus. Hera. Athena. Apollo. Hermes. Dionysus.

Even a goat.

The goat appeared to be taking notes.

Klaxton blinked.

"What happened?"

Nobody answered.

Klaxton looked at the pencil.

Then back at the gods.

Then back at the pencil.

"Why am I holding a pencil?"

Hera immediately stood.

"Excellent question."

Athena sighed.

"We haven't even started."

Hera pointed dramatically.

"THAT is exactly what I wish to know."

She descended the steps toward the witness stand.

The Queen of Olympus took the pencil from Klaxton's hand.

She held it up to the light.

The courtroom became silent.

"This is the object that has consumed my thoughts for three days."

Apollo nodded.

"It's all she talks about."

"It was barely larger than a crayon."

"It had no eraser."

"It was practically compost."

Hera turned toward Klaxton.

"Why?"

Klaxton looked confused.

"Why what?"

Finally Hera asked:

"Why steal THIS?"

She held the pencil high above her head.

The thing was so small that half the courtroom couldn't see it.

Klaxton shifted nervously.

"It wrote well."

Silence.

Absolute silence.

Apollo immediately fell out of his chair.

Hermes disappeared beneath the table laughing.

Dionysus spat wine across the room.

Even Zeus buried his face in his hands.

Hera slowly sat down.

For the first time in thousands of years the Queen of Olympus appeared genuinely defeated.

Athena stood.

"Very well."

She unfurled a scroll.

The scroll rolled down the steps, across the floor, out the courtroom door, across a cloud, and past a startled pegasus.

Finally Athena found her place.

"Now that we've settled the pencil matter..."

Hera interrupted.

"We have not settled the pencil matter."

Athena ignored her.

"The Court will now consider the remaining charges."

Klaxton looked toward the exit.

The exit was guarded by a twelve-foot-tall cyclops.

The cyclops waved politely.

Klaxton sighed.

It was going to be a long day.