Hera v. Ken Klaxton - Part 5: The Ostrich Incident

Dan Cogwheel sat across from Ken Klaxton at Bone Spur Ranch.

Between them sat a plate of brisket and a legal pad so thick it required its own table.

Behind Klaxton stood an ostrich wearing a badge that read:

LEGAL RESEARCH ASSISTANT

"Ken," Dan began, "you keep asking why I'm supporting Tim Talarico."

Klaxton nodded.

"I do."

Dan sighed.

"Because I was your lawyer."

Klaxton looked confused.

"That sounds like a reason to support me."

"Ken, I know things. Some very bad things"

Apollo arrived carrying a giant bucket of popcorn.

Athena opened a notebook.

Apollo looked down at Dan.

"Why is his name Cogwheel?"

Athena didn't even look up.

"Because he's the only functioning cog in Texas politics."

Apollo nodded thoughtfully.

"That explains why he looks exhausted."

Dan opened the legal pad.

"Let's start with the ostrich."

"We agreed never to discuss the ostrich."

"You claimed it was a legal research assistant."

"It attends meetings."

"It eats the meeting notes."

"It was very engaged."

Dan rubbed his temples.

"Do you know why I like Talarico?"

Klaxton shook his head.

"Because every time I hear him speak, he's talking about schools, teachers, infrastructure, health care, property taxes, and ways to improve Texas."

Klaxton frowned.

"That sounds boring."

"That's the point of government, to support and help the people."

Klaxton looked confused.

"Really? I thought it was about making money and staying out of jail."

Dan flipped another page.

"The pencil."

Klaxton immediately looked uncomfortable.

"You were caught on camera taking a pencil from a third grader's backpack."

"It was a misunderstanding."

"The video went viral."

"It lacked context."

"It was submitted to America's Funniest Videos."

Apollo immediately sprayed popcorn across Olympus.

Dan continued.

"You also ate the kid's cookies."

"I was hungry."

"The cookies had his name written on them."

"He seemed willing to share."

"He wasn't there."

Klaxton shrugged.

"Tacit consent."

Athena quietly wrote:

TACIT CONSENT DOES NOT APPLY TO COOKIES

Dan continued.

"Then the boy's mother saw the video."

Klaxton groaned.

"Oh no."

"So what did you do?"

"I sent her a letter."

Dan read:

'Dear Mrs. Johnson,

Thank you for your continued support.

The cookies were excellent.

Your Next Senator

Ken

The entire mountain shook with laughter.

Dan closed the folder.

"Ken, do you understand why I support Talarico?"

Klaxton thought carefully.

For nearly ten seconds.

Then smiled.

"I do."

"You finally understand?"

"Absolutely."

"Good."

"You support him because you're still upset about the cookies."

Apollo disappeared behind a column laughing.

The ostrich quietly walked toward the exit.

Apollo pointed.

"I like the ostrich."

Athena nodded.

"The ostrich shows better judgment than most of the humans."