Hera v. Ken Klaxton - Part 6: The Tutu Audition

The full video is available here.

The morning after Ken Klaxton unveiled his revolutionary Real Men Wear Tutus initiative, Bone Spur Ranch was in chaos.

Cable news hosts were screaming. Political consultants were resigning. One donor reportedly fainted after seeing the campaign photographs.

Only Ken remained calm.

He sat on the porch of Bone Spur Ranch sipping sweet tea while wearing his pink tutu, blue jeans, cowboy boots, and championship-sized belt buckle.

A pickup truck pulled into the parking lot.

Out stepped Jean Hamilton.

"Ken."

"Jean."

"What in the name of Texas barbecue happened yesterday?"

Ken smiled.

"Leadership."

Jean pointed at the television.

"Before we discuss the tutu, we need to discuss the Talarico video."

Klaxton nodded proudly.

"A masterpiece."

Jean opened a laptop.

"There have been a lot of views."

Klaxton smiled.

"See? Success."

"There have not been a lot of positive views."

The smile faded.

"What do you mean?"

Jean turned the screen around.

"The comments have been mixed."

"Read me some."

Jean sighed.

"'Please stop.'"

"Constructive criticism."

"'Politely eat manure.'"

"Passion."

"'FOAD.'"

"Engagement."

"'Who approved this?'"

"Curiosity."

"'You are a sick and twisted individual Ken.'"

Klaxton smiled.

"They remembered my name."

Jean stared at him.

"Ken, that's not a compliment."

"It means the message got through."

Jean continued.

"One person wrote, 'I watched this so you don't have to.'"

"Free advertising."

"Another wrote, 'I need therapy after seeing this.'"

"Repeat customer."

Jean closed the laptop.

"The overwhelming majority of the comments are negative."

Klaxton leaned back confidently.

"But are people talking about it?"

"Yes."

"Are they sharing it?"

"Unfortunately."

"Then the campaign is working."

High above Olympus, Apollo nearly dropped his popcorn.

Athena looked up from her notebook.

"That cannot possibly be how campaigns work."

Apollo shrugged.

"At this point I'm not ruling anything out."

Jean sighed.

"So what exactly is your plan now?"

Klaxton stood dramatically.

"The people rejected the video."

"Yes."

"They mocked the video."

"Yes."

"They begged us to stop."

"Repeatedly."

Klaxton pointed toward the dressing room.

"Then it is time for Phase Two."

Jean immediately became nervous.

"What's Phase Two?"

Klaxton smiled.

"The tutu."

Twenty minutes later Jean found himself standing in front of a mirror wearing a pink tutu, blue jeans, cowboy boots, and a belt buckle the size of a dinner plate.

"This was a mistake."

Ken stood beside him dressed identically.

"History is rarely comfortable."

Outside, a crowd had begun gathering.

The doors opened.

The two men stepped onto the stage.

A band immediately launched into Cotton Eye Joe.

Jean looked horrified.

"You planned this?"

"I plan everything."

Athena stared into a viewing pool.

Apollo was already laughing.

Hera folded her arms.

Zeus walked in.

"What are they doing now?"

Apollo pointed.

"Line dancing."

Zeus looked twice.

"Why are they dressed like that?"

Apollo grinned.

"According to Klaxton, it proves they're masculine."

Athena closed her notebook.

"That sentence injured my soul."

The crowd erupted as Klaxton spun dramatically across the dance floor.

Jean stumbled after him.

For one terrible moment they achieved perfect synchronization.

Apollo fell out of his chair.

Again.

After the song ended, Jean asked:

"Ken, do you think this helps the campaign?"

Klaxton smiled.

"People will remember this forever."